When things get out of control, feelings of overwhelm can take over quickly. We never really know how things will go, but when you find yourself in a critical situation, you may panic because you feel out of control. When that happens, it is helpful to recognize what is in your control and what is not.
Recognizing what you can’t control
Think about this for a moment. When you focus on those things out of your control, you give your energy to things that you can not change. When we focus on these things, we set ourselves up to feel overpowered, overcome, or drowning in thoughts, emotions, or actions you are anticipating taking.
What are you not able to control directly? Here are some common examples:
- Situations that are occurring: Like a pandemic, inclement weather, changes in management, interest rates.
- Decisions other people make: Your kids, spouse, parents, colleagues, and boss make decisions independent of you.
A quick note on parenting: This doesn’t mean abandoning good parenting but focuses on handling educating versus controlling behavior.
- The expressed thoughts and emotions of others: This includes their intentions, words, or actions.
- Your own thoughts, emotions, and sensory perceptions. Trying to ignore or suppress thoughts and emotions only gives them more energy in the long run. Sensory experiences arise in the moment, and they are what they are.
Understanding your thoughts
It’s a common misconception that you can control your own thoughts. Thoughts can seem to arise and dissolve fairly randomly, and that’s not a problem. They become problematic when we hold onto them and blow them up.
What you can influence
In the face of all these overwhelming factors, there is still much you can influence:
- Your reactions to your own and others’ thoughts and emotions.
- Your words: With awareness, you can speak authentically yet with kindness and respect.
- Your response to what is unfolding in the present moment, even if you can’t control it.
Building self-awareness
The important ingredient is having self-awareness of what you can and can’t influence. We have all experienced the feeling of being paralyzed by excessive input from time to time, so the following advice is always important. Especially in times of adversity or crisis, we need the tools to work with our minds and emotions to regain a positive outlook.
With awareness, you can pay attention to your own thoughts and emotions and the expressed emotions of others and then choose how to respond appropriately. The present moment is our leverage point. In each moment, we have a choice.
Dealing with worry
What we experience as overwhelm often contains a lot of worried thoughts. Worries will not change the outcome of how something will turn out, and very often, the worrying thoughts that occupy us aren’t even true.
Just because you have a thought doesn’t mean that you have to believe it. When you notice a thought, it is useful to ask yourself:
- Is it true, real, or factual?
If you examine the thought, you will then know:
- If it is factual, decide whether to take action or not.
- If it is false, release your tight hold on the thought and focus on things you can control.
Questions for self-reflection to build awareness
To be in a better position to exercise influence, here are some questions which you can write about in your journal:
- Where am I expending energy trying to control something that is not actually in my control?
- Where in my life do I have the opportunity to be in control, but I am not taking accountability for my actions?
With this information, you are building awareness and the ability to know where to put your time and energy to make an impact. You are also creating the conditions to avoid the frustration of trying to change situations where you are not in control.
Practical tips to improve your state of mind
You can try improving your state of mind by:
- Getting outside and spend some time in nature.
- Move your body. A little exercise will give you a big mood boost.
- Grounding yourself in your body and taking a few mindful breaths.
- Sharing a nourishing meal
- Spending time with someone who supports you.
- Listening to your favorite music.
- Taking a bath or shower
- Add a pleasant smell to the experience, such as a flower, candle, or essential oil.
The important takeaway from these suggestions is that you have the tools and the ability to handle your moods and emotions.
As you interrupt your negative emotions and overwhelm more often, it becomes easier to do, and you are building a power known as resilience—a key component of mental well-being that helps you bounce back more quickly from adversity.
